Monthly Archives: June 2010

Latoya and Bubbles- The NEW Power Couple! JK

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So I knew there was a documentary being made that reunited Latoya Jackson (MJ’s sis) and Bubbles the chimp (Michael’s

An Olan Mills moment if I have ever seen one!

chimp from back in the day). The article I read about early last week had me laughing out loud at my desk. I mean really?!?!?! The Jackson family wants us to “respect their privacy” (yea’ right) and quit with the jokes and then you go and “shop around” for a deal with Animal Planet? Of course this is going to be a set up for public scrutiny and jokes abounding everywhere.

I brushed it aside and figured I would never see it cause I’m not a big Animal Planet-watcher (if it’s not on Bravo or TLC I probably don’t know about it). Well guess what was on TV late last night–“Michael Jackson and Bubbles: The Untold Story” (sounds like my last posts huh?)??? So of course I had to watch a few minutes of it. Let me just say if you need a good laugh or want to see something that just blows your mind you have to see this documentary. Not only does Latoya cry throughout the whole thing–her face not moving and her eyes permanently open (that’s what plastic surgery does to ya), but she is shunned by Bubbles. Yes SHUNNED with a capital S! No joke, Bubbles wants nothing to do with her. And in thinking about this today who can blame him? I wouldn’t be able to make eye contact for too long with her either…. she is scary as hell.

YIKES!

Well this throws her for a loop and all the sudden the documentary turns to blaming Bubbles’ seclusion and his separation from Michael for his behavior towards Latoya. Yea’ right Give Me a Break (of that kit-kat bar). I mean come on, let’s be real, Bubbles was trying to figure out what the heck this crazy lady is doing talking to him, with cameras following her around, crying all over the place and looking like one of those scary clowns people have nightmares about. Like I said I would have to turn away too! It’s not Bubbles’ fault that he’d rather be alone than face the eyeliner-stained face of Latoya Jackson. So folks if you have even 5 minutes to catch a glimpse of this docu-drama please watch it. The jokes with come to you easily and you’ll definitely get a good laugh out of it.

Let me here from ya! XOXO

J

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The Ticker on TV

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So I am one of those who loves to read the ticker at the bottom of newscasts, whether they are on CNN, Good Morning America (Go Robin Roberts!), my local news, or the all important E! (Entertainment Television). It’s susually short and sweet and to the point and it tells me everything I need to know for the day’s new events.

So roughly two days ago I’m flipping through the channels and low and behold one of my favorite shows/docu-drama’s is on-“True Hollywood Story: the Life of Michael Jackson” (act like you don’t watch these shows). This is timely because obviously the one year anniversary of his death is coming up. Well all the sudden the ticker at the bottom of the screen pops up and E! News needs to tell us that Amanda Bynes is retiring. First of all

Yup-yours truly Amanda Bynes!

 I have a feeling a lot of you are asking “who the hell is Amanda Bynes?” Good question! After first reading this I thought-wait a minute “how old is this girl?”

Get ready for this one folks!!! Amanda Bynes is 24. Well as someone slightly older than her I can assure you that retirement is in the far and distant future for me. This being said I was immediately intrigued and started to wonder what movies Amanda had been in that were blockbuster hits and guess what? I can’t think of one, so I went to Google (mind you this is all happening while I’m watching True Hollywood Story: the Life of MJ). Amanda has apparently been in a whopping 9 movies, with titles such as “Big Fat Liar”, “What a Girl Wants”, etc. So I ask am I just jealous that I can’t retire at the age of 26 or does this seem absolutely ridiculous to anyone but me?

Next thing you know the ticker will read that Beyonce is really a man and Ron Artest is crazy (oh wait a minute he’s already proven that)! Or that Justin Timberlake is really gay (which would devastate my friend Ashley). Either way I think we need to pick our ticker moments wisely and definitely discriminate what is and is not newsworthy especially when True Hollywood Story is on-geesh!

Would love to hear from you—XOXO

J

So are the TOYS of Our Lives

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Not only did the “Sand Through the Hourglass” of Days of Our Lives and Dylan and Brenda from 90210 shape my life, but so did some very significant toys. Specifically the popular Cabbage Patch Kids, the Bedazzler and who can forget my Easy Bake Oven!!!

In looking back at these items, each shaped my life in different ways. Let’s start with the Cabbage Patch Kid!! One summer

The one that got away 😦

my family (extended included), went on a trip to South Carolina (pretty sure the Hilton Head area), and on the way made a pit stop at the Cabbage Patch Kid Headquarters. Now for anyone who hasn’t been (and I’m sure that makes up about 95% percent of the males that read this), we are talking about a giant warehouse and gift store with every single Cabbage Patch you could ever imagine—24/7 all over the place! It was like I had died and gone to heaven. After a brief tour, we all gathered at the giant cabbage patch they had to watch a new “Kid” come to life—straight out of the cabbage. For a 5 year old this definitely seemed like a possibility and a reasonable way for a Cabbage Patch Kid to be born! Well of course “I had to have” the new Baby Cabbage Patch kid immediately and I’m pretty sure my family agreed to buy it for me so I didn’t have a meltdown in the middle of the store. But this was on one condition! I was being bribed into taking a picture on a giant rocking horse before they would buy the newborn “kid”. Well reluctantly and I mean VERY reluctantly I got on the damn horse and took the picture (I know this is probably hard for most of you to believe but taking pictures was not really my thing when I was little). After the picture was taken we made our way over to the register to make the BIG purchase and wouldn’t you know some old lady had just signed the papers and got the birth certificate (yea this was the real deal) of the “kid” I had wanted. Why you are probably asking yourself do I remember this? Well because it has scarred me for life. Now everything must be in writing. And I mean everything! When I decided I wanted my Dad to buy me my first dog (at the ripe old age of 9) you better believe I had it written in yellow highlighter on green construction paper, signed and dated. After the cabbage patch kid debacle I couldn’t be having any of that drama-rama anymore.

This is where all the madness took place!

Now on to the Easy Bake Oven! I think it has definitely played a huge part in my life now because I LOVE to bake. It’s a stress reliever for me and anything with sugar and chocolate makes me happy. I used that Easy Bake Oven like it was going out of style and even had to order more cake mix and baking pans as they wore out. This was a sign of pure dedication and now it has become a part of my life. And if I do say so myself my baked muffins, cakes and breads are pretty freakin’ good nowadays! I’m just sayin’….

And finally the Bedazzler! While most of my friends are VERY crafty, I can honestly say that the whole Martha Stewart-crafty business is not my forte. But this didn’t stop me from having a bedazzler and bedazzling everything from blue jean hats and purses to hot pink and blue shirts. While this item was short-lived in my life (like I said I’m not craft-maven), it played a significant role in my fashion choices and now provides a few giggles when I look back at photos of me in my many bedazzled pieces.

A TRUE Bedazzling Queen!

Would love to hear from you about your FAVE toys of all time!

XOXO

J

‘Roonies and Hillbillies Take on TN

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For those of you who have never heard of Bonnaroo or the CMA Fest (I still call it Fan Fair—shhh!), you are in for a surprise. These two events are probably some of the best people watching one person could have for a whole year (imagine

one of the many artist! 'ol Alan

the one-liners that pop in your head), and believe it or not it’s during the same weekend. I know—AMAZING! First let me give a big shout out and THANK YOU to those who came for Bonnaroo and the Fest—Nashville and its current post-flood economy appreciate your money.

Now on to business! This post is meant to compare and contrast the differences between the Roonies of Bonnaro and the Hillbillies of the CMA Fest. Let’s start with a comparison– obviously both are music lovers, who don’t mind spending $6 on water and $9 on beer (damn why didn’t I get a vendor permit). They also are OUT of THEIR MINDS for spending hundreds of dollars on gas, tickets, food, hotels and swag. I’ve often told people the only way I’d go to either of these music fests would be if I was given tickets and in the Roo’s case if I was in one of those air-conditioned VIP tents.

But this isn’t all they have in common—the Roo’s and Hillbillies have a UNIQUE fashion sense and when I say UNIQUE I mean like stuff you can’t find on the street just anywhere. For instance, Bonnaroo-ners who wear clothes (and trust me there are quite a few that don’t), love their two-piece bathing suits, even the ones who shouldn’t be wearing a two-piece bathing suit. They also love their crocs and butterfly wings (see pic). Apparently for Roonies more is less, whether youcare to see it or not.

Now for those in attendance at the Fest you have ALL sorts of styles. There are those with the bedazzled fanny packs, and those with hot pink and baby blue cowboy hats (yea’ it takes all kinds). There are also the couples that come to the Fest and I swear pack so that they match everyday they are here. For instance one couple had matching pink plaid shirts and the whitest cowboy hats you have ever seen. Another couple had matching pony tails that strategically fit through the hole in the NASCAR hats they both wore.

This being said there are also a few differences. One being the smells! Roonies have the distinct smell of pot, body odor, mud, and port-a-johns. Hillbillies at the Fest smell of chewing tobacco, Stetson cologne, beer and funnel cakes. They obviously also both have different musical tastes and standards in living for a weekend—Roonies go for the outdoor, campground atmosphere and Festies are all about the cheapest hotel room with an all-you can eat buffet.

Yup-that's a cowboy hat with a Confederate flag!

No matter what type of fan you are the obvious similarity is that they are both in Middle TN for the EXPERIENCE! Love ‘em or hate ‘em they make me smile on my way to work Downtown and shake my head in disbelief at their choice of apparel for the day (or weekend in most cases). Would love to hear if any of you made the trek out to these FAB Music events this weekend and would love even more to see your pictures for my future one-liners.

XOXO

J

Who wrote that? and other funny lyrics

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So I was thinking about a 50 Cent song that was big a few years ago because one of the players on the Celtics BBall team, Nate Robinson, looks like a short 50 Cent! Anyways that’s besides the point.

See-Doesn't he look like Fitty?

The song lyric I thought of was “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” Now tell me what the hell is that suppose to mean? First of all if my husband every tried to use that line on me I’d look at him like he had lost his mind. Secondly I don’t think any woman wants to be compared to cake and/or a fat kid. Not cute at all!

So this got me thinking “What other crazy/funny/just plain stupid lyrics seem a little out of this world and who in the hell would write them?” Here are a few (you’ll notice my commentary is in BOLD):

Aerosmith- Song: “Fallin in Love is So Hard on the Knees”; Lyrics: Sometimes I’m good but when I’m bad I’m even better
Don’t give me no lip I’ve got enough of my own. Umm Ok this is so true! Have you seen Steven Tyler’s lips–they are GINORMOUS. Like bigger than Angelina Jolie’s and bigger than mine got that one time in Destin. And for those of you not in Destin that week they were HUGE.

Ben Folds Five- Song: “Underground”; Lyrics: Hand me my nose ring! Umm all I have to say to this is YUCK, but it makes me giggle.

Britney Spears- Song: “Not Yet a Girl, Not Yet a Woman”; Lyrics: I’m not a girl, not yet a woman. All I need is time,
a moment that is mine while I’m in between. So Britney what the heck are you? I mean I know your CRAZY but what is this in between business? I don’t get it!

I Can Be Your Herrrrooo Baby!

Enrique Iglesias- Song: “Don’t Turn Out the Lights”; Lyrics: Dont turn out the lights I need to see if what I’m doing is right. Does this mean Enrique brought home the ugly girl from the bar or what?

Green Day- Song: “American Idiot”; lyrics: Don’t want to be an American idiot… Too late Billy Joe! JK

LFO- Song: “Summer Girls”; lyrics: You came from Georgia where the peaches grow, They drink lemonade and speak really slow. Is this suppose to be a knock at Southern girls and that we are slow? Good job guys-good job! What are you doing now? Oh that’s right–nothing!

What's up with the guy on the left?!?!?! Kind of scares me

These are just a few songs and lyrics that if taken literally will confuse the stuff out of you and if taken figuratively might frighten you. Anyone else have a good lyric or two to share? Would love to hear about it!

Love to all! XOXO- J

The worst phone call on a Friday

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I don’t know about you guys but I love Fridays. It’s the end of the work week for many and normally a pretty fabulous day in general. I normally treat myself to a Starbucks on Friday’s as well and who doesn’t love S-Buxs? Now before you read any further I will go ahead and warn you that if you are a male this may not be the post to read. Consider yourself warned!

So this last Friday (as in yesterday) I was making my way to work and I see a phone number calling on my BBerry. Normally I don’t answer numbers I know so I let it go to voicemail. Well low-and-behold I got a voicemail,so I listened to it. Well guess who it was ladies (like I said guys you might not want to read any further)? The nurse at my OB-GYN calling to remind me about my appointment on Monday! I mean DAMN-really?!?!? That’s just an awful way to start off a Friday. Granted I know these appointments are necessary and all but could you not like send me a card in the mail with chocolates or something? Maybe one of those cute fruit baskets that are all the rage! I mean we all know how much ladies hate these annual appointments so the least you could do is not call to remind me, but rather send a sweet note or a gift

What a cute fruit basket!

card. That way I will correlate something fabulous and wonderful like a free Panera bagel with the OBGYN. Of course this is just a suggestion so don’t take it personally!

Now this all being said— you know what’s worse than a call from your OBGYN on a Friday morning? Realizing that you have to start out your Monday in a waiting room. LOL

Would love to hear from you!

XOXO

J